Addison and Steele: The Spectator
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Letters to the Editor
... Opiferque per Orbem
Dicor ...
Ovid.
During my Absence in the Country,
several Packets have been left for me, which were not forwarded to me, because I
was expected every Day in Town. The Author of the following Letter, dated from
Tower-Hill, having sometimes been entertained with some Learned Gentlemen
in Plush Doublets, who have vended their Wares from a Stage in that Place, has
pleasantly enough addressed Me, as no less a Sage in Morality, than those are in
Physick. To comply with his kind Inclination to make my Cures famous, I shall
give you his Testimonial of my great Abilities at large in his own Words.
Sir,
'Your saying t'other Day there is
something wonderful in the Narrowness of those Minds which can be pleased, and
be barren of Bounty to those who please them, makes me in pain that I am not a
Man of Power: If I were, you should soon see how much I approve your
Speculations. In the mean time, I beg leave to supply that Inability with the
empty Tribute of an honest Mind, by telling you plainly I love and thank you
for your daily Refreshments. I constantly peruse your Paper as I smoke my
Morning's Pipe, (tho' I can't forbear reading the Motto before I fill and
light) and really it gives a grateful Relish to every Whif; each Paragraph is
freight either with useful or delightful Notions, and I never fail of being
highly diverted or improved. The Variety of your Subjects surprizes me as much
as a Box of Pictures did formerly, in which there was only one Face, that by
pulling some Pieces of Isinglass over it, was changed into a grave Senator or
a Merry Andrew, a patch'd Lady or a Nun, a Beau or a Black-a-moor, a
Prude or a Coquet, a Country 'Squire or a Conjurer, with many other different
Representations very entertaining (as you are) tho' still the same at the
Bottom. This was a childish Amusement when I was carried away with outward
Appearance, but you make a deeper Impression, and affect the secret Springs of
the Mind; you charm the Fancy, sooth the Passions, and insensibly lead the
Reader to that Sweetness of Temper that you so well describe; you rouse
Generosity with that Spirit, and inculcate Humanity with that Ease, that he
must be miserably Stupid that is not affected by you. I can't say indeed that
you have put Impertinence to Silence, or Vanity out of Countenance; but
methinks you have bid as fair for it, as any Man that ever appeared upon a
publick Stage; and offer an infallible Cure of Vice and Folly, for the Price
of One Penny. And since it is usual for those who receive Benefit by such
famous Operators, to publish an Advertisement, that others may reap the same
Advantage, I think my self obliged to declare to all the World, that having
for a long time been splenatick, ill natured, froward, suspicious, and
unsociable, by the Application of your Medicines, taken only with half an
Ounce of right Virginia Tobacco, for six successive Mornings, I am
become open, obliging, officious, frank, and hospitable.
I am, Your
Humble Servant, and great Admirer,
George
Trusty.
Tower-hill,
July 5, 1711.
This careful
Father and humble Petitioner hereafter mentioned, who are under Difficulties
about the just Management of Fans, will soon receive proper Advertisements
relating to the Professors in that behalf, with their Places of Abode and
Methods of Teaching.
July the 5th, 1711.
Sir,
'In your
Spectator of June the 7th you Transcribe a Letter sent to you from a
new sort of Muster-master, who teaches Ladies the whole Exercise of the Fan; I
have a Daughter just come to Town, who tho' she has always held a Fan in her
Hand at proper Times, yet she knows no more how to use it according to true
Discipline, than an awkward School-boy does to make use of his new Sword: I
have sent for her on purpose to learn the Exercise, she being already very
well accomplished in all other Arts which are necessary for a young Lady to
understand; my Request is, that you will speak to your Correspondent on my
behalf, and in your next Paper let me know what he expects, either by the
Month, or the Quarter, for teaching; and where he keeps his Place of
Rendezvous. I have a Son too, whom I would fain have taught to gallant Fans,
and should be glad to know what the Gentleman will have for teaching them
both, I finding Fans for Practice at my own Expence. This Information will in
the highest manner oblige,
Sir, Your most humble
Servant,
William Wiseacre.
As soon as my Son is perfect in
this Art (which I hope will be in a Year's time, for the Boy is pretty apt,) I
design he shall learn to ride the great Horse, (altho' he is not yet above
twenty Years old) if his Mother, whose Darling he is, will venture
him.
To the Spectator.
The humble Petition of
Benjamin Easie, Gent.
Sheweth,
'That it was your
Petitioner's Misfortune to walk to Hackney Church last Sunday, where to
his great Amazement he met with a Soldier of your own training: she furls a
Fan, recovers a Fan, and goes through the whole Exercise of it to Admiration.
This well-managed Officer of yours has, to my Knowledge, been the Ruin of
above five young Gentlemen besides my self, and still goes on laying waste
wheresoever she comes, whereby the whole Village is in great danger. Our
humble Request is therefore that this bold Amazon be ordered immediately to
lay down her Arms, or that you would issue forth an Order, that we who have
been thus injured may meet at the Place of General Rendezvous, and there be
taught to manage our Snuff-Boxes in such manner as we may be an equal Match
for her:
And your Petitioner shall ever Pray,
&c.
R.
Ovid
